did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Randomize
