So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Randomize
