my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
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