I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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