He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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