There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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