She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
