I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
