I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
