I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
