I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
