so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
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