:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize
