the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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