The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
