I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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