foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize