I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
