Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
