i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
