Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
