gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
