Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
