she looked like the bat from fern gully.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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