Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
you will always have a special place in my vag
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
