I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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