No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
