I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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