Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
she told me i tasted like america
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
