it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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