You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize