white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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