If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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