You're completely useless in the revolution.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize