In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
someone owes me an orgasm
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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