im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
