He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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