I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
