and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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