lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
