I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
