why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
