I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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