Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
