Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
