Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
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