Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
