just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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