I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
