Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
