I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
