Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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