Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
