Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
