A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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