We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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