oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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