we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
