She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
