Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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