NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
