I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Randomize
