I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
We have started to decorate penises.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize