i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
