The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Randomize
