My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize