Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
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