my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize