I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
