dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
We are two peas in an std pod
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
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