Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
