I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Randomize
