I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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