i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
My Sexting was not on an AP level
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize