did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
