How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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