In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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