beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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