Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
