I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
