Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
