just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
