thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
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