So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
