I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
