he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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