A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
