I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
me + whiskey = a bad person
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Randomize
