Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize