party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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