How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
