we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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